Eat,Pray & Procrastinate!

(Article written exclusively for India Today)

So the year 2017 is finally here. Statistically speaking it's just matter of time before fellow mortals start predicting about the end of Earth this year on Nostradamus' behalf. There is something very magical about reminiscing your screw-ups of the year that went by and speculating your future ones parallelly.

Like most people even I am quite curious about the year ahead and some rather deep questions do plague my mind like-

Is Putin going to tear apart a lion's jaws with his bare hands on national television?

Will PM Modi waltz with Donald Trump to ease out H-1B visa regulations for Indian techies?

For once will Queen Elizabeth's public appearance not make media headlines like it was Jesus' second coming or something.

January is also the month of great introspection indeed where people make resolutions which is a universally accepted way to fool your mind.

I personally admire people who declare their resolutions on social media. It makes complete sense indeed. After all, why simply make do with just a personal failure when you can add the spice of public humiliation to go along with it.

It's only a matter of time before it becomes a contest between whose resolution is more ambitious. Now ambition I believe is a good thing, especially when you are trying to defy the center of gravity while loading up your salad plate at Pizza Hut.

With the new year comes new aspirations, be it career or personal. Recently I happened to come across a video of a girl who shot to fame for smashing her face into different types of breads with utmost dedication and has garnered millions of viewers across the globe. I would not be surprised if she bags an endorsement deal by Subway soon to further promote their business empire built on providing what one may describe as junk food for cows. Quite a niche target audience indeed by all counts. This video almost put me into an existential crises. Why work in 8-hour shifts when you can make a killing by simply smashing your face into food.

Like every new year, I love checking out my annual horoscope. Over the years I have developed the wisdom to always check out my horoscope from a minimum of 10 websites and carefully cherry pick the most favourable points in each to form an opinion. The world is a cruel place indeed and god forbid if you happen to have a chinese zodiac sign of a goat. So I get directed to articles revolving around goats with titles such as (in increasing order of embarrassment)-

-Goat's love prospects for 2017.

-Things that should be avoided by goats. (Fun fact-Contrary to public perception, it's not Eid, but rather a collection of unlucky dates, colours etc.)

-What type of goat are you?

Here's hoping the year ahead turns out well for you. Unless of course, you are off to carve a career path for yourself by smashing your face into assorted well-buttered parathas, in which case you have just found your new competitor. Good Luck. May the best man win.